Hi, I’m back again and we continue our talk on adoption. From my last post you should already know that the “second name” of adoption is WAITING. Well, yes, it’s not always easy to collect and sign in all those papers for home study and for dossier. It may be stressful. It may be tiring. But as soon as you have been approved, the toughest period of adoption starts. This is a period of waiting. One may wait just a couple of months for a match, others are waiting for years. After a match, you wait for court decision, then for a child’s passport and visa. You wait, wait, wait. You should be ready for it in advance. The reasonable question is: How one may get ready for all this waiting? I think it is a matter of self-esteem. If you expect that your child should be there in your home as soon as you wished, so – forget it. You should be psychologically ready that it is a very long and nervous process.

It may sound as if I’m trying to terrify you. No. I’m a realistic person and I prefer to call a spade a spade. And I prefer to provide other’s with correct information, no eyewash and window dressing. And me personally, I hate it when people exaggerate or twist facts. I call it disinformation. That was one of the reasons why I created this blog.

Ok, now we know that it’s all about waiting. The other question is how to survive all that waiting? They say that there are always two sides of the coin. The same about waiting. You got so tired and exhausted by all that paper work, but now everything is done and you have some TIME to get absolutely ready for your child to enter your home and your life. Yes, yes. Waiting is time, and time is a very very treasurable thing in our life. Ask any young mother what she is missing in her life. She will tell you – time. And you have it… now. Very soon you won’t have it, as soon as your baby comes into your life. So, you have to get everything ready for it. What to start from? Well, you may read books about parenting and adoption, especially if this is your first kid. Believe me, it will help. You may watch video on youtube on how to get on with kids of different ages. Learn some behavioral tips, time management, things to buy. As for me, the sweetest part of our waiting period was getting the kid’s bedroom ready. We made full refurbishment there (btw, most part of it I did myself). We bought new furniture and changed room color. It was a real pleasure for Liz to choose new curtains, rugs and pillows. So, everything was provided and ready for a new member of our family. The next exiting thing to do (mostly, for ladies) is baby shopping: buy everything needed depending on the age of a child. For babies, you will need A LOT of stuff, starting from soothers and nappies and up to baby car seat and stroller. Everything has to be ready in advance. You won’t have time for all these things after placement.

Use this time for meeting families with children, especially with adopted children. Ask them to share their experience before and after placement, any tips and advices. I have two families whom I’ve met after Peng’s placement. They are our neighbors who are also thinking about adoption. One couple is very young but they already suffer from infertility (I’m really shocked by this, they are just around 30) and the second couple is in their 40s having one biochild and thinking of adopting a toddler or school child. They often come to our place bringing cakes and sweets for Peng. We drink tea and share experience. These are the most sincere talks. I hope that these wonderful people would also become the best parents in the world for a child in need. We’ll see.

The next thing you should think about is your child’s health. After a match, you’ll be able to see the child’s medical file. It’s sad but true: most abandoned children and orphans have minor to severe health conditions. Relevant treatment or surgery will be on your agenda from the first day the child comes to your family. Provide medical insurance for him or her and choose a healthcare provider. Ask doctors about the possible treatments of a particular disease. If surgery is needed, you may need to register for it several months in advance. So, get everything ready.

Furthermore, you already have to determine who’ll take care of a child after placement: if you work, you’ll have to think about your adoption leave or about hiring a housemaid or a nurse. If your child speaks other language, you might think of a nanny who comes from the same country as your child. It might also help him or her to get used to new culture and environment quickly.

If you have a hobby, devote as much time as possible to it now. Firstly, because after placement you’ll have very little time for it, and secondly, because it’ll get you occupied and think less about your waiting. As for me, I used to renew my volley ball trainings. My wife embroiders pictures and clothes. She embroidered three wonderful kid’s pictures for Peng’s new room. Isn’t this sweet?

Now we’re all taken in all that “children’s fuss”. My son has missed much and we use every chance to keep up with that. He has minor developmental delays. He doesn’t take any particular treatment at the moment.  We believe that with proper care and nurtured with love and attention, meeting new people and seeing new places – he’ll keep up with his peers really quickly.