It’s a wonderful sunny day here and I have a minute to drop a line. I hope my two first posts were informative for you and you found answers to at least some questions you had.

I still have lots of things to say and to share, so aware: long post ahead!

It seems that the next thing that worries prospective adopters (after procedural issues and health condition of a child) is attachment. Many people ask me: how did you bond with a child who is not biologically yours? Is this possible to love a child who is not made of your blood and flesh? People are sometimes ashamed to ask these questions. Why? Maybe because it reveals their uncertainty? I don’t know. I just know that if a person asks this question, he/she is extremely responsible and sensible and tries to predict all possible complications of the process.

Let me comment. Yes, we’re not blood relatives. We may even have different skin color with our adopted children, but this doesn’t mean that we love them less than any biological parents love their offspring. As well, it doesn’t mean that we never experience misunderstanding or misbehavior. We’re all just humans: the elder teach and educate the younger. You might have heard such a terrifying word for every intended a-parent as RAD: reactive attachment disorder. Have you? This is a thing that frightens a bigger part of people who start to make inquiries as to adoption. I don’t know why but when we talk about RAD, we usually mean adopted children. In reality, RAD may happen in ANY child who isn’t properly cared for, doesn’t get proper attention or experienced severe stresses in his life. So, what is the reason of associating RAD with adopted children? This is mainly because adopted children are much more frequently not properly cared, loved, protected, etc. that’s why of course the percentage of RAD diagnosis in adopted kids are much higher than in biological ones. Hopefully, in all adopted families that I know, RAD wasn’t known to them. Of course, the first weeks and even months after placement aren’t easy for both adoptee and adopters. This is due to the dramatic change in their lives. Time is needed to get used to these changes. Sure, this kid shall be at once surrounded with much love, care and protection, because he also may feel very awkward in a new home, and even frightened. I’m not going to give recommendations here as to treating RAD and so on, because I’m neither a MD nor a psychologist. My intentions is to assure you that RAD is quite a rare thing to happen, and in case your child had no major behavioral disorders before, it’s more likely that your attachment will pass ok. Of course, if you stay patient and surround your child with all those feelings of safety, caring and nurturing that he was striving for.

The next thing I’d like to focus your attention on is bio/non-bio child distinction. Well, I have both bio and adopted. I never distinguish between my children: they are all mine. Hopefully, God blessed me with this joy of parenting. I know that nowadays so many couples suffer from infertility and have to pursue adoption just with the aim of becoming parents and regarding it as the last opportunity. I understand such people but in the meantime it seems to me that it is also not quite right (please forgive me, if I sound rude). One shouldn’t treat adoption as “the last chance”. In this case, you may really have problems with attachment. Adoption should be a mutual desire of a spouse and it should come from the deep of their heart, but not be contingent. IMO. Such people are usually quite hesitant about adoption because they feel that it wasn’t THEIR choice. So please, start your adoption process only in case you know FOR SURE that you want this child and you’ll be able to love him or her with no regard of whether you gave birth to him or any other woman did.

Since my blog is dedicated to international adoption, it would be reasonable to discuss race question. The “trend” of multirace families is gaining more and more popularity among celebrities and common people. Why? Can anyone explain this? I can’t, so would be grateful for your comments as to this question. Share your ideas. In the US, there are families when children of all races are mixed. Perhaps, this is good not to distinguish kids on “color” basis. This is not right. All children deserve having homes and families, and traditionally much more Caucasians adopt children of different races and nations all over the world. The question is how those children feel in more or less Caucasian society? How will children treat them at school? Will they be bullied? Would they feel like “odds”? I think that the answer is more likely to be “yes”.

My son is so to say “odd” as well. But we were not afraid of taking a challenge. He is still quite young to realize that he is different, but one day he will. In any case, I tend to think that coping with his “color” difference would not be a problem for us and for him. However, most of intended adopters I know gave up the idea of interracial adoption mainly because they weren’t emotionally ready for subsequent challenges. Well, it’s their choice and it is a right choice for THEM.

Ok, that’s it!

Greetings to everyone who wasn’t lazy to read this post till the end. To sum up, adoption is a very delicate and even intimate topic to be discussed within the family and taking decision only upon your personal believes, viewpoints and consideration. Much to figure out. Your decision changes lives of a few people at once. So please be very thorough while taking it.